eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
