I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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