Whod you bang
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
