How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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