I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
