Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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