ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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