I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
