we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
