I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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