Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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