i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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