bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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