That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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