We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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