My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
