Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
