I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
