You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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