Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
there is puke in my bra ... again
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