shes about as inviting as chlamydia
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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