her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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