The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
