my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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