Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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