Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
