youre lurking in front of me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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