i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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