Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
