dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
