Porn is love you can see.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
