her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
