I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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