i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
