the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
