Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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