so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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