You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
