Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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