There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
