he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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