real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
