woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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