I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
