He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
