My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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