omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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