I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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