Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
