Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
