id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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