Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
