he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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