She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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