The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize