Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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