My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
