I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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